March 12th, 2010
When I’m somewhere I don’t want to be, I tend to convince myself that I wish I was home to record the Great American Album or write the Great American C++ Program. But deep down inside I think what I really want is to sit in the Great American Sofa eating the Great American Bag of Popcorn.
Forgive this entry in general; I’m using Lynx. I’m just kind of in awe that I can do this. It’s not ideal. My sentences will probably all be a lot shorter than usual.
Since my last entry I got a new position, which is a slight promotion; the good news is that this relieves a lot of stress for me. The bad news is that there are no incentive bonuses for this one. The good news regarding that bad news is that instead of getting poorer and poorer over three month spans and then miraculously being saved at the last minute by a bonus each time, I’ll actually be able to budget things steadily. I only have 25 regular hours per week, but I can see already that there is plenty of opportunity to pick up other peoples’ hours to fatten that up. All in all it seems to be going well, the people are mostly nice, and it’s not particularly difficult; though there is a significant amount of learning involved, which I consider a good thing.
On the music front, I’ve been staying up late pretty much every night this week to record electric guitar overdubs. It’s kind of an intensive guitar week. And doing it in a regular, routine fashion is great, because even when I thought I was kind of drained and having a “bad guitar night”, by the end of the night I had put something down that gave me a solid sense of where I was taking the part, and the next morning I was able to get it just right in a little over a half hour. So it’s never time wasted, even when it feels like it’s “not there”.
Vic and Sarah are coming to spend the weekend. Of course I will be enjoying their company in a half sleep-deprived state. But that’s okay because we’re going to see the third Matrix movie tomorrow and according to the preliminary reviews I’m sure to catch a few Z’s during that.
Okay, time to submit this thing and see if it really works. I know it’s lame reading about people using l33t software to post when it looks no different to the reader. Guess you’d have to be here.
[JULY 29, 1996]
I CAN’T OBSERVE MYSELF AS I WRITE SONGS. WHEN I’M WRITING, EVERY CONSCIOUS BRAIN CELL IS PARTICIPATING IN THE ACTIVITY, AND THERE’S NOTHING LEFT OVER TO ANALYZE THE PROCESS. FOR EXAMPLE, I’M CURRENTLY THROWING IDEAS ON PAPER, AND I’VE JUST DISCOVERED THAT “PINK FLAMINGO BARBED WIRE FENCE” HAPPENS TO BE A VERY STRONG SARCASTIC PHRASE. BUT TO RECALL THE PROCESS THAT BROUGHT IT ABOUT IS AS FUTILE AS TRYING TO REMEMBER HOW A DREAM BEGAN. THERE IS NO WARNING; THE BRAIN NEVER SAYS, “PREPARE FOR A GOOD IDEA — IT’S COMING!” IF ONE COULD PREDICT SOMETHING LIKE THAT, YOUR ONE’S AWARENESS OF IT WOULD COLOR (AND MOST LIKELY DESTROY) YOUR ONE’S OWN PERSONAL REACTION TO THE IDEA — THE ONE TIME THAT YOU ONE GETS TO EXPERIENCE THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE AND FEEL LIKE THE AUDIENCE TO ONE’S OWN WORK.
IT WOULD BE INTERESTING, LIKE AN EXPERIMENT IN LUCID DREAMING, TO TRY TO REMEMBER MORE OF THE PROCESS JUST PRIOR TO “STUMBLING” ONTO A GREAT IDEA, AND TO LEARN TO BE “CONSISTENTLY GREAT” WITH FAR LESS TRIAL-AND-ERROR AND FAR GREATER TOTAL OUTPUT — I.E. EFFICIENT GENIUS. I THINK THIS IS ONLY A SCIENCE FICTION IDEA — THE FACTORS DETERMINING HOW “GREAT” AN IDEA IS ARE TOO SUBJECTIVE — UNLESS THERE’S A SPIRITUAL ELEMENT INVOLVED. IF THE “PROCESS OF GENIUS” RESEMBLES A MEDITATION OR A PRAYER IN SOME WAY, THEN TO BETTER LEARN THAT PROCESS COULD BE VERY PLEASING TO WHOEVER OR WHATEVER “GIVES” ONE THE IDEAS.
NOTE THAT IT’S NOT JUST THE “IDEA PRODUCT” BUT THE PERSONAL REACTION AS WELL THAT’S IMPORTANT. ANYONE COULD CONCEIVABLY STUMBLE UPON “PINK FLAMINGO BARBED WIRE FENCE” AND SEE THE STONE, BUT NOT THE LUSTER, IF THEY DON’T HOLD IT UP TO THE LIGHT.
FOR ME TO FULLY ENJOY THOSE FIVE WORDS, I HAD TO SEE A GRAYING, DIRTY, GRAINY PHOTOGRAPH (IN MY MIND) OF A FAKE ENVIRONMENT MADE ALL THE UGLIER BY THE DETERIORATION OF ITS OWN ABILITY TO FAKE, NOT JUST ME, BUT ANYBODY OUT, AND THE POWER OF THOSE WORDS TO THROW ALL OF THAT UGLINESS BACK IN THE FACE OF WHOEVER BROUGHT IT INTO BEING TO BEGIN WITH.
THINK ABOUT IT — WHY WOULD THOSE FLAMINGOES BE JUXTAPOSED WITH THAT FENCE IN ANY SCENE? WHY WOULD THE TWO ELEMENTS BE FOCUSED ON TOGETHER? DO YOU SEE ANYTHING ELSE THERE? WHAT GOES THROUGH THE BRAIN IN THREE AND A HALF SECONDS? IS THE FENCE THERE TO PROTECT THE PLASTIC BIRDS FROM A VIOLENT ATTACK? WHO WOULD GO TO SUCH LENGTHS ON EITHER SIDE OF A BATTLE LIKE THIS? THE FIVE WORDS, TWO SUBJECTS AND NO PREDICATE, IMPLY THAT SOMEONE PUT UP AN UGLY, PHONY, CHEAP DECORATION, SOMEONE ELSE IS SERIOUSLY SEEKING TO DESTROY IT, THE FIRST PERSON KNOWS THIS AND IS WILLING TO PUT UP SOMETHING EVEN UGLIER TO PROTECT HIS FIRST INVESTMENT IN UGLINESS. THIS IS A LASER-PRECISE PROJECTION OF AMERICAN PSYCHOSIS. YOU CAN GO ON AND ON, AND I’VE ONLY GIVEN YOU FIVE WORDS!!! THAT IS WHAT LYRIC WRITING IS ALL ABOUT. IT’S LIKE MECHANICAL ADVANTAGE APPLIED TO WORDS, USING FIVE WORDS TO SAY A HUNDRED THINGS.
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